


thunder in our hearts (lightning in your eyes)

by LullabyDance



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Dick Grayson-centric, Gen, Hurt Dick Grayson, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Pre-Relationship, Protective Jason Todd, Protective Roy Harper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 02:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LullabyDance/pseuds/LullabyDance
Summary: Dick kept moving, because that was what he did best. As long as he was moving, solving cases, doing his paperwork, going on patrol and taking care to not sit still, to sleep as little as possible and keep himself occupied, he could keep pretending that he was fine. It wasn’t healthy but at least it let Dick survive. The rain would stop eventually and with the sun his mood would readjust to get back to his usual optimistic self.Dick is drowning and he doesn't know where up is anymore. If he can't save himself, maybe there is somebody else willing to help pull him out of the water.





	thunder in our hearts (lightning in your eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the tags! There is a pretty graphic description of a panic attack in the second half and mentions of rape. I'm still bitter about Tarantula.
> 
> This is my first time actually writing and finishing a fic! Pretty exciting, even if this story did not go in the direction I had planned. I'm pretty proud of this and some parts are actually very personal to me? Anyway, writing this was like a mini-adventure and as on any good adventure there are people who helped me along the way: thousand thanks to Volavi, who was my beta and made this fic better with her input; a special shout-out to Lu and Cherry, who cheered me on and encouraged me, without you I probably wouldn't have finished or posted this fic; and thank you to everyone on the discord who showed interest in my writing and made me believe that I could do this. If only one person enjoys this fic I'll be happy.
> 
> This was written for Sunday of Joydick Weekend for the A/B/O prompt, even if this fic doesn't focus on A/B/O at all.

Rain always made him unbearably melancholic these days. Dick could remember when rain still was comforting, a loud steady sound on the trailer or the circus tent, creating an atmosphere like you were actually standing outside in the rain. The sound changed, like everything changed, when his parents died. Moving into the manor was a shock and Dick felt so unmoored, lost at sea without an anchor to ground himself or a lighthouse to guide him to safety. On rainy days he would quietly slip into the library and curl up on the window sill, head resting against the cool glass, the raindrops pattering against the window. He would close his eyes and listen to the rain, and while it was different now, it was still a comfort.

Now the rain would make his mood turn sour at best or make him physically sick at worst. And it had been raining almost non-stop for the last two weeks. Dick was tired of it. It was a struggle to get himself out of bed, the rain an anxious soundtrack in the back of his mind and following him everywhere like a wet shadow he couldn’t shake.

But Dick kept moving, because that was what he did best. As long as he was moving, solving cases, doing his paperwork, going on patrol and taking care to not sit still, to sleep as little as possible and keep himself occupied, he could keep pretending that he was fine. It wasn’t healthy but at least it let Dick survive. The rain would stop eventually and with the sun his mood would readjust to get back to his usual optimistic self.

All he had to do was avoid the family until then. They had all been trained too well to not realize that something was off about Dick and the rain made it impossible for him to pull on his performer’s mask like he usually would when he wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t want to worry them.

Unfortunately, things never went like he wanted them to.

 

* * *

 

Dick hated galas. He was pretty sure  _ everyone _ in his family hated galas, but being connected to the Wayne name and fortune meant that sometimes you had to bite the bullet and show up to one of them. Even if you felt like you were coming apart at the seams. At least he wasn’t physically injured this time; Alfred would have his head if he ruined another one of his suits.

Pulling a grimace at his reflection in the mirror, he struggled to straighten his tie and immediately loosened it again when he accidentally cut off his airways. Frustrated, he took the tie off entirely. His outfit looked better without it anyway.

It was weird to look at himself like this. He looked so much like his dad, with every year he seemed to be resembling John Grayson more and more. He was wearing the face of a ghost and no one but him knew. At first it had upset him, like his own body was betraying him, showing him something he could never have back.  At the same time, he ached at his resemblance to one parent with nothing of the other.

Which wasn’t actually true. After patrol Dick would peel off the scent neutralizing patches and get in the shower, grabbing the cheap bottle of shampoo he had painstakingly chosen, that came closest to the scent he remembered from burying his face in his mom’s hair when he was little. Combined with his own omega scent finally enveloping him after a whole day hiding it, he could close his eyes and almost believe his mom was there.

Sometimes he would curl up in the shower, breathing in his own scent, while trying to let the water wash away all his worries. He wondered if his parents would be proud of him now, of who he was and what he did.

Though maybe a child could never truly know their parents. He hadn’t known that his mom had been a free spirit, wild and passionate and willing to commit a crime to help a friend. In a way she had been a vigilante too, and he wondered if she would be proud of her son for becoming one. Not that he would ever know.

On the bad days he even wondered if they had loved him. And that shouldn’t even be a question, if there was one thing Dick had been always convinced of , it was that his parents loved him unconditionally. But when it rained for too long, the water would distort and warp everything he thought he knew was true, until he went a little mad with the uncertainty.

Turning away from the mirror, he checked if his scent neutralizers where still working, before putting the cologne on. The last thing he needed was to be outed as an omega surrounded by the “Who’s Who” of high society. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to him this year but it wouldn’t be very pleasant either.

A last look in the mirror to make sure his make-up hid the dark bags under his eyes, Dick took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. Better to get this over with fast. He didn’t know how long he would be able to keep himself together.

 

* * *

People were already mingling in the big ballroom of the Metropolis Opera when Dick arrived. He had timed it so that the majority of guests would already be inside, but he wasn’t so late that people would notice. While it was true that Dick usually loved attention and was known to put on a bit of a performance, this wasn’t the kind of attention he wanted, or sometimes even craved. Galas like this mostly left him feeling like somebody had covered his entire body in honey and every too-forward touch of the other socialites were bees crawling around on his skin. The feeling was already unpleasant on its own, though today he would feel ten times worse because of his bad mood.

Sighing heavily like a man being led to the slaughter, Dick entered the ballroom, fake smile firmly in place. The agenda for tonight would be to make the rounds for a couple hours, not talk or even look anyone he knew in the eye for too long and then escape as fast as possible.

He really needed a better plan.

The minutes blurred into each other. Dick was shaking hands and kissing cheeks, and  _ just keep smiling, don’t let them see any weakness _ , when he spotted Ollie in a group near the buffet, the people surrounding him laughing at his joke. Dick wondered if Roy was here today. He hadn’t seen Roy in a while, but suddenly he wished for nothing more than for him to be here.

It was a selfish thought.

Suddenly a familiar scent caught Dick’s attention under all the perfume. At first he thought he might have lost track of Bruce after all, although he had taken care to always be across the room and far away from him all night. If Bruce managed to see him up close he would immediately know that something was wrong.

Turning around he didn’t see Bruce but Cassandra and a tall man standing a few paces away from him. That was worse. Of all people, Cassandra would be even harder to fool than Bruce. Impossible even. His sister was way too observant.

His fears were confirmed as Cass lifted her hand in a wave and then signed “Are you okay?” at him, worry furrowing her brow. 

It wouldn’t work if he tried to lie to her, so he just shrugged and ignored Cass’ insistent “Are you sure?”, instead looking more closely at the stranger that was with her. Or maybe it wasn’t a stranger at all? He seemed familiar with his intense eyes and short, curly red hair. He wore a dark green suit that did beautiful things to his shoulder-to-waist ratio. Any other day Dick would have appreciated the man’s looks more closely and probably would have gone over to flirt with him for a while or the whole night.

“Richard!”

Only long years of training and discipline stopped Dick from startling violently when a big hand clamped down on his shoulder and rudely forced him to turn towards Belmont, who had just called out his name. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see green suit raise an unimpressed eyebrow and Cass squint at him thoughtfully. Oh god, he would be in so much trouble later.

Desperately holding onto his already very strained smile, he nodded along to what Belmont and his wife were saying, though Dick wasn’t really listening.

He was so tired. So tired of everything, the smiling, the glamour, the performance, the people. He just wanted to go home, but home was lonely and he didn’t really want to go there at all.

“And we were so excited to hear that-”

A loud crack of thunder cut off Belmont’s long-winded story and his wife let out a startled squeak that she tried to hide with a high-pitched giggle. The lights in the ballroom flickered and everyone including the band stopped for a moment, hushed murmurs going through the crowd. In the quiet there was a second rumble of thunder, more distant and then the pitter-patter of rain being thrown against the windows by the wind.

“Oh my, sounds like quite the storm out there.” Miss Belmont said, hands smoothing over her dress in an obvious attempt to calm herself. The music was starting up again, but the sound of rain had lowered itself like a cloud over Dick, growing steadily louder and drowning out everything else. Like his own personal soundtrack from hell.

And he couldn’t breathe. The golden light of the lamps suddenly felt like a mockery of the sunlight he hadn’t seen in weeks. The walls seemed to be closing in on him, which was a ridiculous notion in a room this big. And he still couldn’t breathe.

Trying to quell his rising panic, he excused himself from the conversation and stumbled through the groups of people, searching for the exit.

He lost a bit of time, so focused on keeping himself together, he didn’t really notice how he managed to leave the ballroom. He only remembered passing the stranger again that had been with Cass and thinking that he definitely knew him from somewhere.

Everytime he heard voices he went in the opposite direction until he found an empty room that was far enough away from the ballroom, where he finally let himself crumble to the floor.

In, hold, out. In, hold, out.

Away from all the people, breathing was a little easier but the rain was still stuck in his head, echoing through his skull. His body felt too small, his skin too tight and growing tighter. Strangling him.

Dick was clawing at his hands trying to get rid of the sensations he knew weren’t real, but he couldn’t help himself. He just wanted it to stop.

A minute or an eternity later there were footsteps outside and then the door opened and Dick finally recognized the stranger in the green suit. Jason. How much of a mess was his mind, if he hadn’t even been able to recognize Jason? The only thing different about him was his hair color. Why was that enough to throw him off?

Normally the presence of a family member would calm him down and Dick was of the opinion that he and Jason had come a long way. He was pretty sure they actually liked each other now.

Jason smelled of worn leather, printed paper and gunpowder. The familiar scent should be safe, but the smell of gunpowder mixed with the relentless rushing of rain in his mind to recreate a nightmare vision.

Had to stop Tarantula.

He hadn’t stopped her.

Blockbuster was dead and it was his fault. He killed him.

Murderer.

Tarantula straddling him on the rooftop.  _ “You’re being such a good omega for me” _ . It had rained on that night too. Dick had listened to Tarantula’s praise, had tried to make her stop and then just went limp, lying with his mouth open wondering if he could drown himself in the rain.

Muffled words were reaching him, as if he was trapped under water. Jason was talking to him, not that Dick could understand anything he was saying. He had knelt down at some point and was reaching for Dick. That made the panic come back full force. His skin was still too tight and if Jason touched him it might make the feeling worse. He might lash out and he didn’t want to hurt Jason, he had hurt Jason enough already and they were just getting along again and-

There was a high keening noise that Dick could hear clearly for some reason and Jason was backing off and getting up again. For a moment Dick felt relieved but Jason was turning around. He was leaving.

No no no no no.

Dick hadn’t meant it, whatever he had done wrong, he was sorry. He didn’t want Jason to leave. Why couldn’t he ever get it right? Everyone was always leaving. 

He had never been a traditional omega but now he was broken. Who would want a broken omega who poisoned everything he touched. Who freaked out over a little rain. Maybe if he was a bit more submissive, softer, a little more like the stereotypes. Maybe if he had done right by Kory and Babs and Roy instead of always messing it up. Maybe if he had stopped Tarantula.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Dick hated that word.

Dick hated himself.

Clean, earthy aftershave with a hint of pine. Roy. There was something wet on Dick’s face as he looked up. Was it still raining? Staring at Roy’s face hovering above him, there was hysterical laughter bubbling up in Dick’s throat. Just a while ago he had wished so hard that Roy would be here and now he wasn’t sure it was something he still wanted. He didn’t want to be seen like this, he didn’t want to be a bother. But he was so tired. 

Roy was safe right? He could lean on Roy, he could trust him. Roy always had his back. Used to have his back? The rain was slowly dissolving and mixing memories and the emotions connected to them, until there was no way to tell what had been true then and what was real now. Exhaustion was creeping into his mind, into his heart and made his whole body feel like someone had filled him up with lead. He was almost convinced he should fight it, but what was the point?

Roy was here and he was safe now, he could relax. Finally giving in, Dick closed his eyes and a moment or possibly several minutes went by before he got the vague impression that he was moving. Being moved.

Everything went dark after that.

 

* * *

The first thing Dick noticed when slowly waking up from unconsciousness was that he was warm. It surrounded him from all sides, like a security blanket. Not wanting to disturb the peace and safety he could currently feel, he let the warmth settle into his bones and let himself gently float along on those feelings for a bit.

He was pretty sure he hadn’t felt this good in a long while.

But he couldn’t shut out the real world forever, no matter how much he wanted to. Keeping his breaths deep and even, he did a mental check on his body’s condition. 

His hands were sore and a little numb. When he inspected them more closely, he could feel bandages move against his skin. What did he do to them this time? The events of the previous evening were still a little fuzzy. And trying to remember what had happened made a headache start to pound against the base of his skull.

The rest of his body was, as far as he could tell like this, without injuries. There were a few aches from older bruises but other than that, the only notable thing was how heavy he felt. As if he had actually gotten a good night’s sleep.

Only now he expanded his awareness outside of himself. He was surprised that he didn’t panic at the realisation that he had no idea where he was. Or who he was with. It usually wasn’t a good thing to wake up in a strange bed with two alphas.

Wait. He knew that scent. Blinking his eyes open, he looked to the right and didn’t stop the fond smile that immediately stole onto his face. Roy was lying on his side, face slack, hair a mess. His hand was close to Dick’s, their pinkies almost touching. There was a furrow between his brows that Dick remembered showing up every time Lian got sick.

God, the last thing he had wanted was to worry Roy.

Pushing down the dark thoughts that were threatening to spill over again, he turned his head the other way.

It wasn’t exactly a surprise to see Jason lying with his back pressed to Dick’s side, although it was something new. Dick couldn’t really define the feelings welling up in his chest at the sight of Jason willingly being this close to him, but hopefully he would have the time to figure it out. It made him a little nervous that he couldn’t see Jason’s face, but breathing in his scent told him that he was calm and content and that was good. He also made a mental note to tell Jason how good he had looked in his suit last night. Dick did feel some embarrassment for not recognizing Jason at first.

Dick had to admit this was nice. They hadn’t boxed him in or pinned him down, which would have surely made him panic again. They had left enough space for him to feel comfortable and stayed close enough to satisfy their own protective instincts. There were no words for how much Dick appreciated that.

There was also part of him that really, really missed this. He missed waking up with someone beside him. He missed the intimacy, the presence of another person in his home, in his life. It had been so lonely lately. He could survive on his own, but he was always happier with other people next to him. In the best times of his life he had been surrounded by people, in the circus, with the Teen Titans and later the Titans as well. Even his family had grown to include a lot of people again. They made him strive to be better and Dick always loved being close to his family and his friends. Able to help them, whenever they needed it. Not being alone. 

He had never let himself think about this particular situation before, after all don’t let yourself dream of something you could never have. Although he had suspected that there was something between Roy and Jason, he would never do anything that could hurt them. He had done enough of that already. But maybe this would be a chance to mend the distance that existed between the three of them. Maybe he could have their friendship. Maybe this could work.

He didn’t hate the word maybe quite as much anymore in this context.

Closing his eyes again, Dick knew that when Roy and Jason woke up there would be questions. Knowing all of them, there would be a fight too. He would have to explain some things and he wasn’t sure he could deal with it all yet. He didn’t know if he could be fixed. But maybe it was worth it to try.

The rain had finally stopped and with the sun warming his face, and two people he loved next to him, Dick fell back into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> If you want to cry with me about Dick or superheroes in general, you can find me on tumblr as lullaby-dance.


End file.
